These Dads Rock

With kids, bills, and high-stress jobs, these middle-aged fathers seem primed for a meltdown. But instead they've joined bands and rediscovered their musical mojo.

9:59 PM, Oct. 25, 2006

Written by

Ted Mann

Scarsdale Magazine

Their behavior looks identical to a mid-life crisis, yet strangely, there’s no shiny red Corvette in the driveway or abrupt career change. Sure, it seems suspicious how these Westchester dads are ducking out at night to hang with their buddies all the time. But guess what? Their middle-aged antics have nothing to do with another woman—their affair is with a seductive little lady called rock ’n’ roll.

They’re all highly respected professionals, ranging from Wall Street investment bankers to doctors to rabbis, but the minute they leave their offices, they lose the monkey suits and pick up Fender Stratocasters. Some were once professional performers, opening for the Beach Boys to crowds of millions, others hadn’t joined a band until they turned 40. But one thing they all have in common: the ability to juggle fatherhood’s responsibilities and regular band rehearsals. Want to find out how they do it? Read on.

ANDY HILFIGER, 44, Larchmont

DAY JOB: Senior VP of Music and Entertainment for Tommy Hilfiger (who just happens to be Andy’s brother).

INSTRUMENT: Bass.

BAND: The X Brothers. In 1988 my brother Billy and I started a band with Joe and Albert Bouchard, who were both once members of Blue Oyster Cult. We called our band The Cult Brothers, but then we were sued by Blue Oyster Cult. So we changed it to the X Brothers. Billy since passed away from brain cancer, so now we’re just a three-person band, but we’ve never stopped playing. We do both classic-rock covers and originals—about 50/50.

ROCK-STAR ROUTE: I’ve been in a band almost since birth. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t playing live music. It became more of a hobby when I decided to go to work for my brother Tommy’s company in the early 1990s.

CHILDREN’S TAKE: Both of my boys love it. William, 8, plays drums and Andrew, 8, is a skateboarder. I have a music studio in my house, and all their friends come over and learn to play. They think I’m Jack Black in School of Rock.

BEST GIG: The most exciting gig I ever had was playing Madison Square Garden with Kid Rock at the VH1 awards.

MAKING IT WORK: My job is pretty flexible, but it’s tough scheduling, especially because Joe plays in other bands.

NEWBIE ADVICE: One of the best things about playing live is that it lets off a lot of anxiety. This is my version of golf.

MILES RUBIN, 46, Scardsale

DAY JOB: Financial advisor, UBS.

INSTRUMENT: Drums.

BAND: Hip Pocket, a cover band that plays classic rock like Van Morrison, The Doors, and James Brown.

ROCK-STAR ROUTE: It started in 1976, when I joined my first band, Fragile. I’ve been playing drums ever since. I played professionally with a band called Idol Tears in the early 1980s. It got to the point were we had a video that ran on MTV. Then in 1985, I went to work on Wall Street as an options arbitrage clerk on the American Stock Exchange. A few years later, I started going to a joint called the Off Wall Street Jam, where I met most of the guys who are in my band today. The core of Hip Pocket formed in about 1991, and we’ve been together for the 15 years since.

CHILDREN’S TAKE: My kids—Avery-Louise, 5, Charlie, 8, Elizabeth, 11—come up on stage when I’m playing. One of them fell asleep in my lap while I was playing in concert once. They’re involved in that they think it’s cool that Dad does this. They can all play “Smoke on the Water” on guitar.

BEST GIG: In 1984, Idol Tears opened for the Beach Boys during the Fourth of July festival in Washington D.C. before a million people.

MAKING IT WORK: When making music, what’s important isn’t for you sound good, it’s for the whole band to sound good. Park your ego at the door and learn to listen. That’s musical maturity.

NEWBIE ADVICE: Lower your expectations a bit. Play with people you like instead of people who are great. Only then can you hone your musical maturity.

DAVID CANNON, 45, Scarsdale

DAY JOB: Attorney at Kaufmann, Feiner, Yamin, Gildin & Robbins, LLP.

INSTRUMENT: Guitar.

BAND: Eight Men Out. It’s an eight-person band that plays a lot of classic rock (Rolling Stones, Eagles, Birds).

ROCK-STAR ROUTE: I played a little in college, but that ended as soon as I got married and had kids. Then about three years ago my son wanted to take guitar lessons—and I joined him. The instructor, Paul Bessolo (from Rye), taught both my sons actually. He’d teach Jake, 11, the piano for an hour and then teach Sam, 13, and I guitar for another hour. I started to get pretty good and realized that all I wanted was to play in a band finally. My buddy, Bill Hammer, said that I ought go to The Studio (251 W. 30th St.) in New York City. They put all kinds of musicians together, in effect creating bands—like ours—and they have a relationship with a bar called The Bitter End in Greenwich Village, where those new bands can play.

CHILDREN’S TAKE: They all think it’s very cool (including Leah, age 10). Sam even said that he wants to be a singer in my new band.

BEST GIG: Well, there’s only been one so far. But playing The Bitter End this last July was amazing. We had at least 100 fans there, did 13 songs, and even played an encore.

MAKING IT WORK: Getting everyone to agree on the music is hard. I now see why big bands can break up so easily.

NEWBIE ADVICE: It is never too late to start. I started in my early 40s, and by 45, I’m playing to a packed house.

ROBBIE HARRIS, 50, White Plains

DAY JOB: Rabbi and Professor at the Jewish Theological Seminary.

INSTRUMENT: Guitar.

BAND: Shake, Rabbis and Roll, affectionately known as SR2.

ROCK-STAR ROUTE: SR2 got its start in the spring of 1991 when I received my first guitar as an anniversary present from my wife, Nellie. Soon after, I decided to form a band to play at an upcoming rock ’n’ roll party at the Pelham Jewish Center, the congregation where I served as rabbi. I called my old friend, Rabbi Larry Sebert (now of the Town and Village Synagogue in New York City), and asked him to join me. I then asked another friend if she would be the lead guitarist. Fortunately, a (proudly) Jesuit-educated friend named Spencer Hayman, who was a wicked bass player, lived across the street from the shul—and Shake, Rabbis, and Roll was born.

CHILDREN’S TAKE: My two daughters: Naamah, 22, and Merav, 20, are always the first audience for my new songs. I embarrass them constantly (less now that they are a bit older), but they hate it when I spontaneously begin singing in public.

BEST GIG: Kenny’s Castaways in the Village, where we were hired based on our CD; The Knitting Factory, where we’ve raised money for various causes; and also locally at Vintage.

MAKING IT WORK: Honestly? I don’t sleep much. But I like juggling a lot of things at once so I’ve gotten used to it.

NEWBIE ADVICE: Whatever you have a passion for, you need to make time to do.

JOPH STECKEL, 45, Scarsdale

DAY JOB: Urologist, North Shore University Hospital.

INSTRUMENT: Trombone.

BAND: The Chappaqua Orchestra, which is made up of 75 percent professionals and 25 percent part-timers like me.

ROCK-STAR ROUTE: I’m not exactly a rock star, but I have been playing since age 12, although it was off and on during medical school and residency. Then in 2003 I committed to the orchestra.

CHILDREN’S TAKE: I have four kids—two boys and two girls. My older son, Henry, 12, plays trombone in the Junior High School orchestra, and my other son, George, 8, is going to start playing trombone in September. My wife worries that George may feel pressured to play, but I’m really not pushing it.

BEST GIG: When I was 16 years old, we played an all-city concert at Carnegie Hall. The Chappaqua Orchestra also just did a concert of Verdi’s Requiem with the Taconic Opera, which was great.

MAKING IT WORK: It’s hard to find balance between my professional life as a doctor, my family, and the orchestra. I’m often faced with a tough choice: rehearse or nap. Often times I opt for the nap. Still, during crunch time I never miss a rehearsal. That means that four times a year, I’m expected to do three rehearsals in a one-week period.

NEWBIE ADVICE: Be disciplined about rehearsing. A little bit each day will serve you better than trying to cram all your practice into the weekends.